Welcome to the Working Wanking Week

from The Aristocrat by Eric Schwartz

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lyrics

Well, Well, Well, Morning Bell
Welcome back to the gentle hell of the average life
With the average wife who cannot stand you

Go ahead mister dead, shower, dress, make the bed
She’s gone downstairs
To make the coffee she will hand you as she sends you off
Without so much as a peck on the cheek

Well, well, well, Welcome to the Working, Wanking Week

Hardee Har, there you are
Inching your econo-car though a traffic jam
With a thousand other suicidals
Squeeze into a parking space
Spackle on a happy face and climb the stairs
To a tiny room without a title on the door
Just in time for your quarterly critique

Well, well, well, Welcome to the Working, Wanking Week

Oooh I coulda been a cowboy

Oooh that woulda been so cool.

Eat your sandwich, make a call
Retire to the bathroom stall
Thinkin’ bout the Mets
And the wizened floozy from accounting

Open up the magazine
Come across the Asian teen
And whip it out
But hush, when you hear the pounding in the adjoining stall
Perhaps you’ll take a peek
Well well well
Welcome to the working, wanking
Welcome to the working wanking circle jerking monkey spanking
Welcome to the working wanking week

credits

from The Aristocrat, released August 7, 2013
Wally Minko - PIano
Matt Bowen - Strings arranged, performed and recorded
Andrew Dack - Assistant arranger
Chris Standring - Jazz and Nylon Guitars (performed and recorded)

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about

Eric Schwartz Los Angeles, California

Eric Schwartz might very well be the only artist in history to get raves from Gloria Steinem and Hustler magazine. Starting out in the folk music scene, Schwartz found that his favorite shows were the one where at least four people walked out. On the comedy scene, he's performed at the Improv, The Laugh Factory, the Comedy Store, on Howard Stern's 100, on All Things Considered. ... more