Don't Vote - (c) Eric Schwartz

Salutations. What it be?
Como estas, Ma Cherie?
I’m charlie the coat hanger. How do you do?
If you’ve got a minute I’d like to talk to you

Way on back in your grandma’s time
What is now safe and legal was a terrible crime
Victims of biology and circumstance
Went rogue if they could not afford to go to France

Now I don’t wish to be explicit but my kind has been complicit
In the early termination of the inevitable manifestation
Of a natural act no admonition will prevent
No rule, no law, no threat of punishment

or alt verse:

I was so popular then, I had the run of the place
til my bubble got busted by a supreme court case
Roe. versus Wade in 1973
A day that will live for me in infamy

Now all you modern mizzes just assume that I will be
Consigned to the closet for eternity
But now the word is coming down the wire the pendulum is swinging back
The door is opening just a crack and I’m dying to get off the rack

So let me do my duty darlin’ don’t you dilly dally
Get me out of the closet and back to the alley
Cuz there’s so much more to me
Than a place to drape your coat.. so don’t vote

My name is Billy the Bill but call me what you will
Long as you call me to committee up on Capitol Hill
I was submitted by a senator shiny and white
His As are too long and his belt is too tight

He’s sworn to keep our morals up by keeping down the girls and gays
Bathrooms, birth control and marriage and a host of other ways
His allegiance to the bible makes him smug and snobby
And he’s beholden to the hobby lobby lobby

He later will be caught with a congressional page
Who is oversolicitous and underage
But who here’s perfect? You know you’re not.
And this here’s the only shot I got

And if the legislature gives consent then I will be seen
On the president’s desk in 2017
And if she vetoes me that’s all that lady liberty wrote, so don’t vote

Vying for the white house has many odd demands
Some release their taxes and some just show their hands
You think that you’ve got problems, Just imagine you were me
The Junk of the Republican n-n-n-nominee

He says he’ll stand up for the little guy It’s always met with cheers
Hope he’ll keep his promises cuz I ain’t worked for years
You can call him satan incarnate and many would agree
But don’t call him The Donald ‘cuz that’s what he calls me

Some will say he’s full of crap and some will say he’s full of hate
Say what you will about him but the dude can delegate
He has me write his little speeches with my buddies to the South
We upload them to his spinal chord and shoot them out his mouth

His crowds are getting angrier and ready for a brawl
They’re all for torturing the terrorists and putting up a wall
And on his first day in office, he’ll neutralize the debt
By just declaring bankruptcy are you excited yet?

The nuclear codes will be safe, you know
In the pocket of the host of a reality show
And the very first dude to take his oath in a chinchilla coat
So Don’t Vote